Expressions

I have a huge cache of facial expressions…unfortunately for me I have no control over most of them.  They make themselves known without any warning and though often they add immeasurable humor to a situation, there are times when they get me in trouble.  Serious trouble… 

For obvious reasons, I won’t be found at a poker table anytime soon. 

As for verbal expressions, my supply may not be as large, but some aspects of it are very descriptive!  For the most part I have no idea why I have chosen to string together these words or sounds - I chalk it up to the creative part of my brain that never sleeps and is always looking for something to do.

Here are some of my preferred verbal expressions…

SPIT — credit for this one actually goes to a former co-worker.  It is the clean version of an expletive cousin and it gives the exact same sense of venting and relief when uttered in the same tone as its cousin.  Try it, you’ll like it!

BOOGERSNOTS — I have NO idea how I came up with this one, but it really is fun to say.  The best amusement comes from watching others react to it.  Unfortunately for me I used this expression a few times in non-appropriate situations and had to face parental wrath when their kids parrotted the word, so to be safe I’ve put this one back into storage (but I just HAD to share it with you).

BEACH BALLS — Again, no idea where this came from but it’s one that can be used no matter who’s listening!  The first word has nearly the exact same sound as its expletive sounding cousin, and the repeating  hard “B” sound greatly appeals to me.  I have always loved repeating sounds (hence all 3 of my cats names starting with “sc”) – they’re just so much fun to roll off your tongue.

CRAP ON A CRACKER — This one popped out of my mouth Friday for the first time in years.  It’s another one of those expressions whose origin escapes me, but it definitely gives on a clear picture doesn’t it?  I will admit that this one is a bit overboard in the repetitive sound category, but it is fun!

HOLY GUACOMOLE — Though I can’t pinpoint why I strung these two words together, I can tell you that this started spewing out of my mouth shortly after I moved to California.  I really do not like 99% of the guacomole I’ve tried so the only connection I can make is that there are a lot of avocado groves just south of me, and since they’re the key ingredient in guac, my subconscious came up with this phrase.  You did notice the repeating EEE sound didn’t you???

GOOD GRAVY — This is an oldie but goodie.  I might have heard it somewhere, I’m not sure, but right now this is my current pet expression.  I’m even including it in FB comments!  The really interesting part is that I rarely use gravy…

&(*)$*%&)(-0   and  @_)#)_(#_   and   %#()@*0   and  #*_#^%%#  and  ^&*#*(#%((&^%#)_^^&*# — these are the X-rated expressions for which I won’t even give you a single letter.  I’m sure you’ve all heard the words before, even uttered some of them, but when frustration overtakes every cell of my body I can string these words together in such a way that it would curl your hair (or straighten it if it’s already curly).

So readers, what are some of your favorite expressions???  You can borrow mine — can I borrow yours?